The Art of Mending by Elizabeth Berg

I picked this book for many reasons: it's on the 'best books' list of a few websites I browse when I'm looking for some literary inspiration, it's about family relationships, healing and forgiveness, the title alludes to sewing, AND it has a beautiful cover. It's not true, you know, you can - and often should - judge books by their covers.

Anyway, it's a fast read. I'm talking a 1-day read here, people. I had a really hard time putting it down, and my Saturday housework suffered.

The basic story is about a family, long grown, that has a secret. During a family reunion the secret comes out and all of a sudden family members have to accept, forgive, and love each other in spite of the secret. That is a trite summary, I know.

There are several quotes the author uses before the book begins to set the tone. I loved one, in particular:

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing
There is a field. I'll meet you there.
- Rumi

Exploring forgiveness is always an interesting topic for me. I suppose because it's never very simple. Just as with everything else in life, there are multiple stops along the way - various destinations you can reach. All too often I think we stop at acceptance. It happened. There's nothing you can do. Move on. The thing is, if you stop there, you risk losing the rest of the journey. There is so much more beyond acceptance.

The narrator, a self-proclaimed obsessive domestic, admits she loves certain home-making tasks. Among them is mending:

As for mending, I think it's good to take the time to fix something rather than
throw it away. It's an antidote to wastefulness and to the need for
immediate gratification. You get to see a whole process through, beginning
to end, nothing abstract about it. You'll always notice the fabric scar,
of course, but there's an art to mending: If you're careful, the repair
can actually add to the beauty of the thing, because it is testimony to its
worth.

And of course, that is the point of forgiveness. There might be a scar, but if you see the process through to the end, that scar becomes a testimony to the value of the relationship.

In my mind, true forgiveness is atonement. And that's rare indeed. I think it takes a lot of work and many years to reach a point where you don't even see the scar anymore. And of course, it takes a power that we just don't possess.

All in all, I enjoyed the book and I've already recommended it to others, so I guess that's another testament.

And I hear Berg's Open House is even better - consider it added to my "on hold list".

GAL

So on Wednesday (I know, I'm a little late) we had our first Ghana Adoption Lunch. It was really a lot of fun to meet all these women I've been emailing and calling. Jenifer (in town from CA visiting family), Stephanie and her friend Jennifer, Shelley, Jill, Lois and I were all in attendance - along with an occasional spouse and many children.

Pictures, stories, and adoption information were passed along and shared. The next phases of the adoption process were outlined - tips and suggestions were shared - and we talked about how those with recent additions are adjusting. It is so great to have people close by that are sharing this experience.

Lois updated us on Kingsley's progress - he is currently working on adoptions for Jenifer, Stephanie, Lanae (not at our little lunch) and us. We learned that the money we sent to Kingsley via Shelley has paid for all of our adoption paperwork, travel expenses, feeding the children at the orphanage, and...Kingsley was even able to buy a car! It will be so much easier for him to do all of his traveling for adoptions and the orphanage now that he has a car. He will not need to rely on other people or the 'public transportation'. He will be able to accomplish a lot more a lot faster.

We were thrilled to learn how far the money went - I believe it was even used to help get other adoptions rolling so Kingsley doesn't have to wait for their money to arrive before he can get started collecting the paperwork.

Anyway, that's the update :)

Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

I recently finished Love in the Time of Cholera. It was pretty good -mostly I love the way Marquez writes, weaving stories together. His writing style so closely connects the characters that you can't help but understand the relationship of the characters. I think, more than any other writer he beautifully and effectively binds the characters' lives and displays the inter-connectedness of life - the delicate way our lives join together, weaving in and out - that 'thing' that binds us all to each other.

Still, my favorite Marquez novel is One Hundred Years of Solitude.

But back to LitToC. What is most fascinating to me is the novel's discussion of love: what is love, what is true love, can two people create true love or is it something we have no control over? How is love manifested? What is fidelity? Is there a difference between emotional fidelity and physical fidelity? How does love fit into 'real life'?

I don't think there are any hard and fast answers to those questions, but that's the point of great literature, isn't it? I haven't seen the recent film adaptation, but from what I have seen of it, I get the feeling that I wouldn't like it. I think it simplifies the story. I think it glorifies Florentino as a true representation of love. From what I've come to understand about Marquez and his writing, that's too simple.

The basic story line is a nice, sweet enticement. Florentino's pretty prose and ideals of love don't hold any substance and he seems to contradict himself many times throughout the book. He picks and chooses which laws of love he will follow and then creates fantastical arguments to support his actions. He clearly lies to himself and the woman he loves. (A side note: it seems to me that Florentino is the only person in the novel who believes in 'true love'. And, his definition of love is based almost solely on romantic stories and poems. Literature created his world and influenced all his choices. Another interesting topic that I don't have room to explore).

Instead, I think Marquez sets up the characters - every character in the book, in fact - as a person who falls somewhere along the line. Each has a different definition of love. Each will sacrifice certain things in the name of love (and some sacrifice love for other things). I think the novel is more an examination of what happens to people along the way - depending on what they are willing to sacrifice. It doesn't seem to be just a pretty story about waiting 51 years, 9 months, and 4 days for the chance to declare love, but rather who sacrificed what during that time. All in the name of love. And then the reader is left to decide if it was worth it.

So. What would you sacrifice for love? And what would you sacrifice love for? Does your answer change depending on the person (child, spouse, parent, etc.)?

Cute Little Ghanaian Faces

Andy and Jessica (the Provo couple volunteering at Lucky Hill this summer) took some fantastic pics of the newly placed children. And yes, Sarah was included!

Lois forwarded them to me and they are soooo cute! Thought I'd share....

Prince and Matilda: Adopted by Jenifer & family. Look at Matilda's HUGE smile! She looks like the girl who will always be making everyone smile - hers is so contagious! It makes me laugh along with her every time I see this picture.

Brian and Josephine: Adopted by Lanae and family. Brian looks like such a sweet little gentleman! Josephine seems a little shy in pictures, but Andy and Jessica got her to smile in one!

And the rest are all of our little Sarah! Here's what Jessica said in her email about Sarah:

Can you please tell Jessica that Sarah has a very cute personality. She is shy at first but when she warms up to you, she is happy and sometimes even mischievous. She got the books Jessica sent her for her birthday and I have read them to Sarah. I think that Jessica will just love Sarah - she's so cute!

Hanging out with Jessica and Andy:

Peek-a-Boo!

Big Brown Eyes and Eyelashes to DIE for:

New Hat:

Lois also spoke with Kingsley today. Sarah's traditional name is Adwoa (Ah-jew-wa) and that's what they call her at the orphanage. It means, basically, 'girl born on Monday'. Ghanaian's typically give their children an English/British name and a traditional name as well. There are specific names for girls and boys for every day of the week, so yeah, it's not unheard of for families to have children with the same name. (Although they usually add prefixes to help distinguish). I knew a family in Ho that had 3 boys - all born on Saturday. They were all called Kwame! I guess it makes for easy remembering if you have a lot of kids! :)

What's Your Ghanaian Name?

Ok. I couldn't help myself. Here's more info on the Ghanaian names I was mentioning in the above post.


"The Ghanaian Day Name is the name assigned to the child born on a specific day of the week which also includes characteristics of the child born on the specific day of the week. This day name also, called the Kradin name, is carried on throughout the life of the child, and amazingly accurate as horoscopes in the western world."

To find out what day of the week you were born on click here.

I was born on a Thursday (no surprise once you read the meanings)

Day of birth Name

Monday
Female: Adwoa, Adzo, Ajoba, Ejo
Male: Bobo, Jojo, Kobie, Kojo, Kwodwo
Tuesday
Female: Abena, Abla, Araba
Male: Ebo, Kobena, Kwabina
Wednesday
Female: Aku, Akuba, Ekua, Ekuwa, Kuukuwa
Male: Kuuku, Kwaku, Kweku
Thursday
Female: Aba, Yaa, Yaaba, Yaayaa
Male: Ekow, Yao, Yaw, Yokow
Friday
Female: Afi, Afua, Efie, Efua
Male: Fifi, Kofi, Yoofi
Saturday
Female: Ama, Awo
Male: Ato, Atoapem, Kwame, Kwamena
Sunday
Female: Akosua, Esi, Kisi
Male: Akwasi, Kwesi, Siisi


Day of birth Description

Monday
Calm, tranquil, and cool (like icewater), skillful and adept under pressing conditions
Tuesday
Warm, gentle, eloquent and compassionate
Wednesday
Mischievous, vicarious, vigilant and daring
Thursday
Eager for battle, a big rock in one's pocket, skillful in dealing with people
Friday
The wanderer, adventurous, wisdom and tenacity
Saturday
Possesses the medicine for snake bites, able to reverse crisis, thorough and painstakingly scrupulous, Saturday is also God's Day
Sunday
Tail of the Animal, protection from flies and danger, very protective of others and patient

What day were you born on?
Which Ghanaian name would you choose?

PSYCH Sing-Along

Psych starts up again Friday! (Along with Monk). We live for these two shows at our house during the summer. Shawn and Gus are the only way to make it through the tv drought that is the dreaded "off season".

Wall-E

Let me begin by telling a story:

Shelley took her newly adopted daughters (from Ghana) to see Wall-E a while ago. A whole new experience for them - they had no concept of a movie theater. About half way through the movie, the younger (?) one turned to Shelley and said "ok. Let's go home now."

Shelley tried to explain to her daughter, "no. We stay and watch the whole thing because we paid for it." Her daughter just couldn't comprehend it. I thought this was really funny when Shelley told me about it. I thought, "one more thing to adjust to, I guess." You know, a culture shock sort of thing.

And then I saw Wall-E. About half way through the movie I thought, "ok. let's go home now." Yeah. It was so boring!

Besides that, it was WAY too preachy for me. Don't get me wrong, I love doomsday Vonnegut stories just as much as the next guy (maybe even more), but seriously, I just can't take it when the only dialogue in the entire movie is 'oh, poor earth, you just need someone to take care of you and by golly, we are finally going to step up to the plate and do it because earth is so great and Wal-Mart is of the devil'. Side note, I have to agree with them there, Wal-Mart is of the devil. I hate that place.

Maybe some people need to be beat over the head with a giant, feature-film, didactic hammer, but I prefer a little subtlety.

So why didn't I just walk-out? Well, that would be wasteful.

Update!

So. As many of you know we have been sweating the arrival of Robert's "invitation to be fingerprinted". That's what I've been calling it, anyway. We sent in a form requesting a background check &etc. and sent in money (of course). The state agency then sends out an "invitation" to be fingerprinted within a certain time frame.

Well, days passed, followed by weeks - still no "invitation." Our SW was finally able to track down the paperwork (I guess that's the good thing about the government: always a paper trail). Robert's paperwork was sent to the wrong adoption agency. Since the fingerprinting police (FBI???) can't have more than one copy of the invitation out at a single given moment, they had to wait for Robert's letter to be returned. (I hope everyone out there always returns mail that is incorrectly delivered!)

The returned letter in question finally arrived, and the office sent out another letter to the correct agency. whew. It arrived in our mailbox Saturday. Robert dropped in at the West Valley office to be fingerprinted Monday morning.

On a whim, later that afternoon, I emailed our SW with a brief update: "Robert went this morning to be fingerprinted." She promptly responded with something along the lines of 'oh I already know, he was cleared, and the woman at the office gave me a call, and I've already forwarded your Home Study on to our approval board."

What?!?!? Who has ever heard of that kind of turn around? I mean, we are talking in a matter of hours Robert's fingerprints were electronically submitted, they ran them and came up with a positive report (or perhaps it's considered a negative report since nothing came up), and then that report was already relayed to not only another government employee, but also our Social Worker! Crazy.

So I am in a mad dash to get everything ready to submit our I600-A and our dossier. The good thing is that, mostly, I just need to make copies of various items I already collected for our home study.

Also, Kingsley should be taking Sarah to get her passport any day now. I can't get over how cute that is - little Sarah with her own passport! lol. I was about 15 before I had/needed a passport!

Anyway, things are moving right along. Keep your fingers crossed, and your prayers aimed heavenward that everything will continue to go as smoothly!

Happy Birthday!

Yesterday was Sarah's 2nd birthday! Robert and I went to the Decker's house to celebrate. We had yummy strawberry boston creme cake and we played some games.

Lois gave us a birthday card for Sarah and a cute little necklace that says "I am a Child of God" on it with Sarah's birth stone.

Happy Birthday Sarah! We can't wait to celebrate next year with you!

SYTYCD - Chelsie and Mark - Bleeding Love

Ok. So for some reason my old post of this dance isn't working :(

If it happens again, here's a link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5mUv3_2Qig&feature=related